The Midnight News 6.06.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 06.06.01

Oops, Smackdown preview, Ole, Uncle Eric, Bag-outs and CRZ. Me too. 

Hullo. Let's get to it, shall we?

AW, CRAP...

Well, being a Net GOD or not.... I still f-ed up.

www.brethart.com leads to WCW.com. So does www.kevinnash.com and www.billgoldberg.com. and probably every other damn wrestler they had. It's a non-issue.

This is the equivalent to getting too excited and squirting before she even gets her pants off.

F-me. I SO suck. 

Bret ain't coming. I think.

WHO WATCHES THIS CRAP?

Monday Night Raw waffled in with a 4.3 rating this week, that's up one WHOLE TENTH OF A POINT from last week!!! The overrun between Austin and Jericho actually broke into the 5.0 area!

The WWF is BACK!!!

Oye.... shoot me now.

Pick a website, they ALL have the damn ratings.

DID CHYNA KNOW?

Eddie Guererro will not be fired by the WWF for showing up to Raw all wasted and such. Instead, he'll do the rehab thing and be given David Crosby's phone number for reassurance and guidance.

Turns out, Eddie is hooked on pain killers. Just like Chevy Chase was. (and if you've never seen Eddie's impression of Gerald Ford.... WHOOOO DADDY, you be missing out).

Brian Lawler didn't get a second chance because he embarrassed the company. Do all the drugs you want, but for crying out loud, do it privately. So says the Mighty Vince. 

Oh, plus Eddie is over.... Brian Lawler wasn't making a dime for the company. SEE YA SEXAY!!!

Scherer was responsible for this.

PIMPS UP, SMACKS DOWN, WESTSIIIIIIIIIIIDE

The Observer banged out some Smackdown spoilers before anyone else. I won't give away the results, but here's what you'll be seeing:

We have a new Light heavyweight Champion

A Kane vs Albert feud is set up.

We see the first WWF star who appears to be a part of the new WCW.

And the team of Benoit and Jericho get to wrestle THREE times.

When will the new Survivor start? No, actually, I'll be watching the MTV Movie Awards. See? I'm MUCH cooler than you.

Oh, and by the way, it looks like Jericho vs Austin will be scrapped as the headliner for King Of The Ring. Instead, it'll most likely be a Triple Threat with Benoit put in the mix. 

F-ing HHH. He injured himself JUST to screw Jericho out of a main event solo shot. DAMN HIM!!! DAMN HIM AND THAT GLASS CEILING OF HIS ALL TO HELL!!!

WE HARDLY KNEW OLE

Ole Anderson did a radio show, 1Bob was all over it.

-Right off the bat, he announced that he was stabbed by psycho fans a total of 7 times in his life. The worst one happened in 1976, which gave him a nice 15 inch cut across his chest. The second worst was when Flair, Tully, and Arn tossed him out of the Horsemen for Lex Luger.

-Wahoo McDaniel once stomped on a cast on his arm so hard that he destroyed Ole's thumb. To this day, he can't use the thing. 

-Ole says that the Steiners are the last two "real" tough guys in the business. 

-Ole bitched that once Nikolai Volkoff once lied to his face and said that he was not going to the WWF. Then Volkoff took off on him. Commie Bastard.

-Ole said Wrestlers turned Preachers are full of BS. He cited Nikita Koloff and Tully Blanchard specifically. (err.... ALL Preachers are full of BS, aren't they? Preachers, and quite a few Rabbis)

-Ole announces that he is well read. He reads a lot. (This is one tough MOTHER of an Interview)

-He and Arn are NOT related. (They do look VERY much alike, though.)

-Ole says that he was "The Rock" way before the Scorpion King was even born! (Dammit.... if he only inherited his Father's ability to raise his eyebrow...)

-Ole said that he was hired in 1989 to train wrestlers. Ole also owned the actual name "WCW" and gave it to Ted Turner in return for some money. Turner never paid. Ole tried to sue for it, but no lawyer he talked to wanted to go up against Ted Turner.

-Ole says that he has a lot of old tapes of Georgia Championship Wrestling in his house that are probably useless.... in the day, he would always tape over the master tapes in order to save money. A big part of this Interview was about how Ted Turner screwed poor Ole.

-In 1978, he used Hulk Hogan for two weeks, then sent him home because Ole didn’t think Hogan could "wrestle". (Hey Hop-A-Long.... guess what?)

-Said that he was "pressured" into creating the Black Scorpion gimmick and was never into it. He was fired from WCW before he could decide on who it should be. So, Flair took the heat.

I'm starting to think that Vern Gagne is the only old timer who isn't bitter.

HAW!!! LOSER!!!

And so, the long fall of Eric Bischoff becomes complete.

This is everywhere, but The Torch is where I picked it up from.

"The Gold Club" is an stripping establishment that is making headlines because NBA players would go in there and get stripper sex in front of everyone. Patrick Ewing is the name being bandied about the most. Dennis Rodman, John Starks, and Reggie Miller are also in there. Some NFL players and an Atlanta Brave or two.

Oh, and Eric Bischoff.

Yes, it seems that Uncle Eric liked to go in there and receive oral sex from these dancers. The clubs owner, Steve Kaplan, encouraged this from his dancers in order to lure big time celebrities, Athletes, and executives with serious "little man" issues who liked to pretend that he was a wrestler and belonged "with the boys".

Well, thanks to club manager Thomas "Ziggy" Sicignano, the poop is hitting the fan and he's helping the Government out by telling ALL. Of course, he is no saint. He's doing this in hopes of pleading out. He's ratting EVERYONE out.

Oh, and the club is owned by the Gambino Crime Family too.... which is what the Government is REALLY after.

Ahh Eric.... the Eternal Wannabe.

Oh, you can bet this story isn't over.... I have a funny feeling there will be quite a few more wrestling related names brought up before it's all said and done.

I'll auction off my pecker to Ebay if Nash gets out of this clean.

BUT, PLUGS

There are none for today. 411 had no new columns. Hey, it can happen.

Ah, and I am breaking my promise. No Mop-Up this week either. Yeah, I know... boo hoo.

Honky gets a night off, and instead... we hear from the last recap competitor I had left.

MORE PROOF THAT WRESTLELINE SUCKS

Nice way to treat people.... I'm SURE I would have gone through the same crap if I tried a "farewell" Mop-Up at Scoops with Remy Artiega breathing down my neck.

So, CRZ, who gave Wrestleline all the blood he had in him and poured tons of recaps for them, decided to get real about things and.... why am I talking about it? I'll let him.
In a second... the thing is he banged out a truthful, delightfully cryptic farewell/send off in his last Wrestleline recap for Raw. Wrestleline, of course, CUT IT TO SHREDS!!!! Editing almost everything out... and leaving a mess of a sign off behind.

Here, go read this. Just jam down to the bottom. That's what "Downtown" Dave the F-wad left in. I'm sure Scaia happily sucked the guy’s nuts while he was doing it.

Now, because CRZ's own site doesn't get that much traffic.... (more than a few people have told me this).... I would let him say his REAL farewell here. If for anything else, it's a "thank you" from me to him for being the only idiot on this Internet who I could never piss off.

So, here's CRZ's REAL goodbye: 

Here's the short version: about three weeks ago, I was contacted about continuing on with WrestleLine past the WrestleManiacs contract end. I got an offer, I considered it a joke, made a counteroffer which I'm sure THEY considered a joke, they responded "well, it's obvious you're leaving - that'd be a shame" and so we stopped talking. Apparently, one of us isn't much of a negotiator (I hope it wasn't me), but at least I can say that through all of this, one of us has been as professional as can be expected, up until the teaser for this report anyway. 

It seems to me that SportsLine and I have differing ideas about my worth to WrestleLine, as well as WrestleLine's worth to me. So... that's that. I gave this thing the two years I told Rick and Mike I'd give them, it's over, and I'm outta here...and pretty damn relieved about it, too. Thanks to all of you who have written me such kind words (and even the unkind ones) over the two years here at WrestleLine, as well as the sixteen months before, even going back to 1992 on rec.sport.pro-wrestling. I hope you'll continue to find me wherever I may land - even if it's just on some rinky-dink site with no "prestige," no money involved, no advertisements, nothing but a giant high horse for me to sit on with my ideals, even as turning down money is the LAST thing I should be doing. Fortunately for me, I tend to sleep better worrying about how to pay the bills than worrying about compromising my (whatever) for less than I happen to think I'm worth. Still...anybody wanna buy a tape? 

Not exactly coincidentally...Thursday, I turn thirty. It may be time to either reevaluate my life and decide what I REALLY want to do....or just party down and get really, really drunk. I think you and I probably know what I'm going to do. (wink) Either way, it looks like the perfect time to break my "iron man" SmackDown! streak - we'll arrange for a guest host and see how long I stay out of the game. 

More than ever, sites that are not dependent on advertising need your support. I strongly encourage you to check out sites like otherarena.com, ddtdigest.com, oursocalledsport.com and a1wrestling.com - and, yes, even slashwrestling.com as well - sites that rely more on a love of the business and not on a love of money to continue to provide you with a place to feed and supplement YOUR love of pro wrestling. And even after all this, the paramount point is that I ENJOY WRESTLING. Don't ever forget it. And expect nothing less from anyone else you may read in the future. 

Never before have so many people underestimated and overestimated one man's importance in this "business," all at the same time. If it *never* happens again, at least regarding "CRZ" - well, I couldn't be happier about that. 

Okay then. 

No, I have no F-Ing clue what that last paragraph meant either.... the dude is so friggin' LOST IN HIS OWN HEAD.

Oh, fear not.... Wrestleline now will post Scott Keith's recaps. They don't miss a beat over there. Watch how hard Scaia suckles SK's teet now.... watch Scaia proclaim HIM as the best recapper online. CRZ? What is a "CRZ"?

Oh, and Zimmerman will always be found at his own site. 

Really, IS there a reason to go to Wrestleline anymore?

You're welcome, Zed

This is Hyattus